Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
