I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
