i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
