I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
