Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
