I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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