i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Shame - the story of my life.
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