I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have post one night stand depression
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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