shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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