people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
