I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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