i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
