Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
