So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
