ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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