Where is the hickey?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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