i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
