Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
