Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
