Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
