i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You made out with two different species that night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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