Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
