Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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