I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
