i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
