Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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