I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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