you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
