From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
