Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
