i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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