His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
