Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
