smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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