OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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