Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
