Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
