Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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