apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
