Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
