I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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