I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
