I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
