Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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