is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
