The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
