The best revenge is premature balding
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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