Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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