I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
