cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
