I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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