I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
