it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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