she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
