I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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