The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
