So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
