awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
