Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
