Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
