I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
