those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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