I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
